jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
