I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
