We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
