there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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