I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
