i already hear my dad disowning me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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