anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
