glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
