He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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