You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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