Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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