We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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