It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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