He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
