We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
