i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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