Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
