guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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