yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
