The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize