If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
