porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
