your parents love me but you hate me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
