Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
