You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
