My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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