The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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