when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
