i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
