I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
