Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
