is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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