Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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