Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize