I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Drake has all the answers
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
