Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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