Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
