Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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