After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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