You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
