I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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