there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
