I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
