how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
