I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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