dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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