I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
