Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
