How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
