as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
