I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
All I want is dick and wine.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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