I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
