Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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