It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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