can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
