I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
