My room smells like vodka and shame
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The best revenge is premature balding
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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