Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize