You made me cry and you don't even care
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
