now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
