I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
