All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
