The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
