There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
