Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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