a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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