Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
