3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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