hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize