i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
