fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
