We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he told me I talked like a deaf person
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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