shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We were destined to go to rehab together
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
