sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
