dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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