I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
