cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
