was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
