I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize