the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
