dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
