awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My bed smells like the plague
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
