so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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