I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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