meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
