Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
