I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
